To bong or not to bong, that is the question...

Thursday, March 27, 2008
Back In The Land Of Emptiness

I felt it as soon as the plane took off yesterday afternoon. The feeling of Emptiness started to grow. And as soon as the plane landed for the first leg of my journey, I knew I was right... I had began to hate this place. The familiar yet unfamiliar surroundings. The original lay of 1hr was delayed for 2.5hrs. A sense of nausea kicked in.

The journey here was untolerable, and without having a single bite the whole day, I started to get depress with myself. I kept thinking that if I really hated this place so much, why am I still here? It was not by choice. Well, not mine anyway, I'm doing all this for the powers that be, but sometimes I wonder, isit really worth betraying myself over that paltry sum?

My head started to pound as soon as I got on a cab from the airport. His driving skills, as per all his countrymen, was nothing less than frightful. His horn started blaring as soon as the taxi left the airport grounds... which only added to my misery. "Porrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, por por porrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", try repeating that sound in your head for the next 45 mins and tell me how you feel. This only fuelled my hatred more, less than an hour an already I want to leave.

Upon reaching the hotel, the front desk informed I was reserved an NS room, I loggered 15mins with the senior sup to change it. They relented, and I felt abit happier. If I was gonna pay US$150/day, I figured at least I get a room I wanted. And as soon as I logged on my lappy, my emptiness lifted, I was happy again.

The meeting started at 10pm, with me having my 1st meal of the day, and the clients rattled on and on. Not surprisingly, beer came, and 3 hrs later, here I am. I can't wait to leave...

I'm not going to lie, I'm abit sloshed at this present moment. I feel that somehow or another, I speak more freely, and also my truest thoughts when I'm slightly intoxicated. Garnered with the fact, I may not even recall a single thing tomorrow. LOL.

With KM playing in the background now, I feel a huge relief. I can't ask for much more, knowing you are there listening , is more than enough for me.

Smoking @ 3:14 AM

Monday, March 24, 2008
Batting in the Right League?

Everytime when a new Season comes into play, I will inadvertently ask myself, am I batting in the right league? Should I even be playing in the major-leagues with the big timers? Or should I just go back to the mini-league series?

I've seen some friends go from the mini-leagues to major-leagues and back again. Batting for every team that comes along. Some may have the major-leagues coaches queuing up for them, whilst some are just contented in the mini series.

Most of the time, I'll just be warming the bench, on the sidelines, watching and appreciating, just hoping the coach will call on me... When and if the chance arrives, I'll be up to bat, and hope to hit a home run, in order to prove my worth, and secure my place. But things may go wrong, it's normally 3 Strikes n you're out, but in this game, 1 Strike is all it takes for the coach to lose confidence, and drop you off forever. But till that day comes for me to be called on the pitch, all I can do is wait, and be supportive.

All I want, is to bat for that very one team. Maybe the coach just hasn't seen me at my best yet, and in time, I hope the coach will. And when the time comes, have trusts that I'll do the best I can.

Smoking @ 11:02 AM

Saturday, March 22, 2008
Sometimes, It's Funny...

Sometimes the choices we make may not always be the right ones.
Sometimes we will, on purpose, choose to make the wrong decisions, just so we can see how it ends.
And sometimes, we choose not to do anything at all, we choose to be ignorant...

Someone once said:
"You can't worry about what people say about you. If you do that, then you'll never make any decisions. Sometimes you take a chance and you make mistakes. But you can't be afraid to say you made a mistake and you're going in a different direction."

How many of us can seriously say that we make decisions based on our own thinking, and never worried about what other people might think?

Sometimes I wondered if I didnt make certain choices back then, would I still be here, at this point of my life?

Cetainly there were stages in my life, where i regret making some choices, but if given a chance, and i could go back in time, would I have made a different choice?

I've thought about this for a long time, and my answer still stands. No.
I did what i did then, because i believed in it. Even though it might have been wrong.

It's funny how things end up the way they are now.
It's funny how we tend to blame other people for our misfortunes.
And it's funny how we ignore what is right infront of us, when we know perfectly so well that it's right for us..

But, Life is too short to be full of regrets. We just have to grin it, and do it. NIKE.

Smoking @ 11:04 PM

Friday, March 21, 2008
Being Labelled...

Just yesterday, I was having a chat with 2 gals friends over msn... just normal stuff, catching up, on current events and all, when one of them labelled me as a SNAG. Starting with "This one is super SNAG", which led to the other one proclaiming, "Ya, I never knew" and "Yah lor, neither did I". At which I conveniently dozed off in the middle of the conversation... LOL. Not that I did it on purpose, but I was fully medicated and drowsy... (perfectly good excuse I think)

So.. I didn't get a chance to ask them... Why? SNAG? Me? You sure? Isit? How come I didn't know?

What exactly is a SNAG? Of course I know what it means, but what does the term actually entail? Isit good? or bad? And how does one even qualify for it? And do I even want this label? Would I? Should I? In layman terms, does it mean "Senso"? LOL. Confusing. So can someone kindly explain?

Anyway, the things I did, I did because I wanted to, and also to cheer someone up. Sometimes the little things that you do, counts too.

Smoking @ 10:00 AM

Monday, March 17, 2008
A Knights Tale

It is strange to think, I haven't seen you since a month.

I have seen the new moon, but not you.

I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face.

The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle.

I miss you like the sun misses the flower;

like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter.

Instead of beauty to direct its light to,

the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to.

Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and the night.

The hope that after you're gone from my sight,

it will not be the last time that I look upon you...

Even tho you are far away from home,

you don't have to deal with this alone,

I will be your listening ear,

I will be here for you...

Smoking @ 11:29 PM

Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

As I scrolled thru my old photos, it only made me realised one thing. No matter how much we say that its a thing of the past, or how they say time heals all wounds... it's all fake, yes the pain lessens, but it never really dissappears. We are humans after all. Each and every photo represented a single time and phase of my life, ups and downs. The wave of memories hit me again and again...

Sometimes I wonder if I can really take what I dish out to my friends, advice and all. Sometimes I wonder if it's all a facade that I'm putting up with. I guess you can never really give advice to yourself, it only works on others, cos when you try to apply it to your own scenario, it doesn't really make sense, does it?

I've been handling too much at work, and I feel I'm gonna burn out sooner than I think. The devil in me wants to get out, just that I've been trying very hard to keep it suppressed. Not really sure how long I can hold out. It's getting tiring, gettting weary. The Zz monster hasn't been really paying me visits either, and food taste bland after a while. Depression, nah, I dun think so... Just a phase I have to go thru...

The only thing thats keeping me going is... LOL... hmmm...

To all of you in the past & present, those that held a place in my heart, Thank You, for all the memories, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, cos without them, i would not be who I am today.

Smoking @ 12:25 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Secrets

Secrets, like misery, loves company...
We whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark...
we look for comfort where we can find it...

But they pile up and up,
until you don't have room for anything else,
until you feel like you're ready to burst...

Secrets cannot keep inside us,
whatever we are trying to hide,
we are never ready when the truth comes out...

With you, its different...
It's like coming up for fresh air,
I was drowning, and you saved me...

Smoking @ 10:09 AM

Friday, March 07, 2008
我的世界...

我的世界可以很大,

大到拥有你的心.

我的世界可以很小,

小到只剩你的心...

Smoking @ 3:35 PM

If Only

If only it was that simple...

I kept telling myself no,
never wanting to fall in the same predicament,
not to walk the same path again,
but as time passes, i find myself drawn closer and closer,
deeper and deeper.

I find myself wanting & needing,
knowing what it is, but not knowing its ending
I find myself needing & wanting,
yet again.

If only there were less worries,
If only there were less complications,
If only it was that simple...

Smoking @ 8:37 AM